Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
