I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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