i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
