we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
