I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
