Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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