dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
