Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
