just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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