I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
