I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
