Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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