I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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