I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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