1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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