Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
