Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
