Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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