so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
