no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
