i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
