If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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