I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
