I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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