Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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