How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize