My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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