So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
