so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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