I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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