When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
