I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
