How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
