Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
