You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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