woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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