I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
