I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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