you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
