and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
