Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
