He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
how does that bad decision feel?
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