I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
