i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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