My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
