just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
