White coat. Heels.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize