The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
