Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
