I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
