i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
