Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
