Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
