I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
