can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
