I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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