So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
