she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
