Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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