I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
