38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize