They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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