Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
