I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
