The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
