I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
